I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
