Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
