He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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