what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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