At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
