I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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