I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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