You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
