I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
