I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Maybe he injected his testicle?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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