I'm so fucking centered right now
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
