wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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