Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm at about main and main street
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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