he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You ruined the universe
Randomize
