Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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