I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
