I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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