Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
