your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
