I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
