He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
