Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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