It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
