We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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