his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize