yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
