I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
found the other keg... it's in the tree
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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