Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
