You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
it glows. i had to have it.
Even my vagina gasped.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
