Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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