omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Oh god it's open bar.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
