Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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