Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
