he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
