i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
