Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
