I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize