if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
