Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
