Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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