i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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