My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I want to be your penis for a week.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
