I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
