Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
either way he was missing a nipple.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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