dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
