Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My vagina is officially offended.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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