Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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