Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she smelled like a LAN party
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
