2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
youre lurking in front of me
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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