I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
