I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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