Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
