if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
