Yo dont text me then not text me
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
