I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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