are you still at the devil's house?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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