As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
