Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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