We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
