she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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