Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
