Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
