she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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