My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
