Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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